markmathis

i have a problem with size – or maybe my perception of it. what was fine for me a year ago is not anymore. what was big then is small now and i am learning to handle both big and small in the same space. this is the hardest mental exercise that i have ever done, being diligent and faithful with the small and totally overwhelmed with the big. it would be like chris martin going around doing shows for 5 people in little coffeehouses and then being expected to perform for 5000 the next night. one of the shows is going to suffer – because big and small do not require the same from us. the performance for 5 is much different than for 5000, because performing for 5 suggests that noone knows who you are. I know people that are good at one of these but not both, i would be interested in hearing from people who can balance these.
they say in the music industry that you have to play each show the same whether it’s big or small, but i think that’s only partly true. maybe the problem comes in when people who are supposed to be small try and go big or vice-versa? am i always supposed to go big or go home, or is that just what culture tells me. i have some friends in europe that are impressed/disgusted with america because EVERYTHING we do is big. big cars, food portions, money, houses, etc… may i suggest that there is no reason to go to cosco to buy stuff if you are a single person with a cat? is that heresy?
still as petty says, ‘running down a dream – never would come to me’. sometimes you do have to run it down and search that path out. when i come to the end of mine, i want to be like paul, ‘content in plenty and in want’.
i do want to go big, though. god, i want to go big.