markmathis

I have been out on the road a lot this summer and have had a chance to read quite a bit. One afternoon I was perusing the book, ‘the war of art’ and came across an interesting section. The book is intended to help motivate artists to actually create instead of procrastinating. It breaks it down into a lot of real-life examples of this and one such passage was about inner healing. I will not try and quote this since the book is probably hopelessly lost in my RV or in Sedona,AZ where i last saw it. I will improvise and use a “mathis-quotation” – ‘*’ which will suffice for our uses.

*inner-healing is a form of resistance to creating true art*. His premise is that seeking inner-healing is a form of procrastination and a copout from walking in our purpose as artists. It seemed very harsh to me, but I liked it because I am all about cowboying up and getting over stuff. Like hank hill says, ‘louanne, just swallow your emotions everytime you feel like crying(when she breaks up with dudley)’. That appeals to me – just drive your sherman tank over that ridge and take it!

I let those words stay in my mind for a couple weeks and talked to some friends about it. I was kind of excited about it because it was the first thing that I had ever heard so abrasive about ‘inner-healing’. I run in circles that are very pro-talk, pro-counseling, pro-inner-healing. A lot of artists I know don’t do art. that frustrates me a lot. So, question: “is it ok to not do what you were made for because you need inner-healing?”

I read a quote by Bly that was the final piece of the jenga tower for me. He said that we are wounded in a place of strength to take us out – to keep us from creating. If I have to create my art from a place of brokeness and weakness it does not mean that there is anything wrong with it or me. My friends and I talked about this issue the other night about how the best creativity comes to the surface when we are broken and messed up. Josh explained it to me that cracks in our humanity just allow the supernatural to shine through.

Show me an artist that goes running every morning, keeps his schedule organized, washes his dishes, and creates his personal best art at the same time. My grandfather, Jackson, lived in an upstairs attic(ultra-cool) with hardly any light for decades. He had rooms full of paintings, overflowing ashtrays, books and records EVERYWHERE, but he was a successful painter – because he PAINTED.

I am not saying that counseling is bad or that conversations about our problems or strengths are meaningless. I would submit that if you are creative and talk about your inability to create more than you create – something is wrong. My friend, Eric, paints for several hours a DAY – and I know songwriters that write every day. Drive your sherman tank up to the top of your emotional hill and survey your next conquest, baby.

Recently I have come to accept that I do not have to be nice to people. I am a southern gentleman by nature and as kind and considerate as a lemon wedge in a glass of iced Luzianne – however, things are changing. This summer I was on the road for 7 weeks with 300 people doing music and came to a stunning realization. You cannot be nice to 300 people for 7 weeks. Sometimes we are relieved of burdens that we are carrying by a gentle voice and sometimes an inescapable landslide wipes us on our face and carries it away. My experience was the latter.
I had to ignore people. I had to run from people. I had to stop monologues that would not stop themselves. Thank God for text messages. Not only this, but I had to be confrontational with some. I had to track people down. I had to say some unpopular and hard things to kids and adults that needed to hear them. In short, I had to be a leader.
Coming home, I had to come out of a passive/aggressive style of leadership and into a genuine one. I have learned to avoid responsibility that is not mine. i have learned to say, ‘no’, and in saying it have found excellence in my real duties. I guess 27 is old enough to start learning this stuff, right? So what am i trying to say? i am not popular – or nice – i feel great.