markmathis

   Last week I played one of my favorite shows ever… It was me with a guitar and piano at the muse and I got to do exactly what I wanted and the amazing part was that everyone let me. There is nothing like having a hushed room to play to – it is intense. I felt like I could breathe during that show and it honestly didn’t matter what people said to me about it, I was thrilled with it. I started with ’southern accent’ and did about 6 new songs to end with ‘when he returns’ by dylan. It’s been a week since the show, but I am still stoked on it.   I have always viewed ’starting over’ with a negative connotation. why not, right? I have started over for so long that it is depressing to think about. Here is one thing that I have learned recently from a mildly interesting eric clapton book I received for christmas. Clapton has started over musically dozens of times so far and I’m not even done with the book. He would drop a band, get a new one, go to rehab, marry, tour, relapse, drop a band, get a new band… He would never survive the cutthroat industry today where you get one chance if you are lucky AND good. But it did get me thinking in a different way as did the Tom Petty DVD. If you watch the ‘running down a dream’ series, you will see that despite the heartbreakers amazing success at staying together, Tom did a slew of other projects, cowrites, solo, and even a band(the travelin’ wilburys).  He was a complete bad a** with the record industry and stood on his principles. The doc does not go into his personal life either because it was in shambles or because tom did not want his family drug through the spotlight. We can safely assume that there were signifigant problems there as in most families. Here’s my point.Current industry thought is that you pick one thing and hit it as hard as you can – one song, one record big-wig, one million dollars. My friends, that is a recipe for failure and a short life span to put it mildly. You can transpose this to any key you would like, business world, sports, etc… To be fair, it is not that it is not a true statement, but that it is an impossible one that kills dreams. All of this is changing and there is so much great independent music out there right now, but even in that world people are too single-minded.      We were on tour with public radio and played an empty venue with a fairly popular indie band from Louisville. The band leader questioned me about how much we were touring and told me to sell everything and live on the road for 2 years because that is the only way we could make it. People will tell you things that they have done simply to validate themselves and not to help you at all. They don’t even realize they are doing it. I forgive him. The DIY mentality of ‘roughing’ it as strange sort of ritual for being allowed to pass into the ‘making it’ place is a spirituality that I do not embrace. It’s the same thing that monks did when they flayed themselves to bloody pulps to receive what they wanted from God – it doesn’t work. So what do we poor amalgamation of musicians/artists/people do to ‘make it’?    I am learning that ’success’ is built on single experiences spread throughout my life. One success was getting a job when I had been unemployed for over a year,another was getting married, and  another was the solo show I played last week. If I was waiting for success to come when I felt I had earned it – like about now – then I would have been oblivious to the other signifigant milestones of my life.I feel like I am going nowhere right now, and I am sure that a lot of artists feel the same. One thing that I have been doing is to ‘create’ without a prospective outlet at all. I am also learning to not be defined by what google or anyone else says about me. I am not disbanding ‘public radio’, but I have realized that us getting a good deal is not what will spell out success. The real test comes when our deal runs out and we still love music and  each other. My friend’s dad once said about my first band – “the hardest thing about being in a band is staying together”. Staying together means “starting over” together and it happens more than we know.